Christine

It's so funny how the damndest people change your life...and different kinds of people too!

For me, professors have the greatest impact. This sounds funny because my dad's a professor and I always try to say he's had no impact on me...but we all know how much truth there is in that.

No, really...there have been a handful of professors who have really just changed my life.

In school, I'm not THE smartest kid, and I'm really influenced by whether I like the class or not. I'm not very self-motivating for the things I don't want to do. Not a lot of us are, but it's such an important trait to have. However when i get in a class where the professor sits us students all up on the same level with them, respect us, and have just the greatest enthusiasm for what they can impart on us...I'll be damned if I can't be the smartest...even just for a little bit, to make them proud and show them that their time is worth it. And the funny thing is that you have to get through all those shitty teachers to get there too.

So I guess a huge thank you goes out to those guys:

Mr. Taylor, Mr. Palomino, Mr. Cal, Flumster, and now Dr. Burke.

Because if you drop an egg off the Empire State Building...it might just fry itself and you'd have breakfast at the bottom.

Might.

Might be worth it.

Take a chance.

Because we don't have time not to.

It's so funny how I can stress and doubt for so long because of the stupidest things...and then reading one little tiny page that you wrote...it's all gone. And I don't doubt anymore.

Because I realize...finally...that we are the same.

And in this sameness is such perfection.

And I know that I will love you ForAlways...

3 in the morning will never be the same to me...because every time I wake up at that time, I'll smile...

Because you love me. That's all.

zZzZZz.

The Master said, "At fifteen, my heart was set upon learning; at thirty, I had become established; at forty, I was no longer perplexed; at fifty, I knew what is ordained by Heaven; at sixty, I obeyed; at seventy, I could follow my heart's desires without transgressing the line."

Can we each be so humble to describe our whole lives in such few words?

Today is the beginning of everything else. Today is the day that proves it was all worth it. Today is the day that I know I can do this ForAlways.

Today is our anniversary and I love you.

Thank you for making me the Luckiest.

It was totally Breaking the Habit...you lie =P

Best song ever.

"I had a professor once who started class by saying: 'You are all smarter than me. I just have more knowledge than you and it's my job to pass that knowledge on so you can all go things bigger and better than i ever did'...then he proceeded to talk about his five degrees, including masters degrees and how he worked for NASA."


=D

Ai ya...so many cobwebs in this brain...

I mean really? Proofs in geometry? Kills me.

Tutoring is going well. Up to 2 hrs on one kid and 2.5 on the other. I don't know why their mom's are so stressed. Working hard to find lots of material...good thing is that when I'm done with them they'll be pros cause we'll have done 8-zillion problems =).

What else is new? Krista Perry's wedding was amazing. So sweet.

Going to see Wall-E today, so excited. And gong-gong this weekend too. And swap meet!

So many amazing things...so little time.

But all my time is for you. =D

And money too! I'm buying! =P

Need I write another word? It's so important. Every time things go bad, I draw away, never realizing that if I just said something, things could be perfect again. But you know that...and you know just the way to coax it out of me...because you know me. And now things are perfect again. =)

Vegas was great: good cats, beanbags, and music.

Gotta get ready for the week now =) It's going to be amazing.

...

Wow it's been a long time since I've journaled...here or otherwise. I've been way too stressed out. Well, summer's here and it's time to take some time out for me and my family.

I'm just really exhausted.

I have everything in the world to look forward to:

Just got accepted to Arch program and am stoked.

Most amazing boyfriend in the world.

Back with mommy and puppy.

USC Trojan.

What else is there? Pretty happy right now coming off Brazil trip. Last band gig. Good amount of closure.

This lady read my handwriting the other day and she was dead on. It was pretty trippy everything that she could read into me just by the way I make my "i"'s. Made me think a lot about where I'm going and where I've been. I put too much focus on the past because I carry it with me like a burden all the time. That's why I weigh your's so heavily on you. But that's just it: it's past. I just listed the 4 most important things to me right now and they're amazing. The future is even brighter.

I'm lookin forward to my ForAlways, that 12.12.12 that's just sitting there, waiting to happen. So many firsts...and all the lasts.

I'm finished looking, but how do I just let go and hold on at the same time?

Just breathe it out of my system. Forget, accept, realize it's not worth it. But this part is. It's worth everything.

Everything.

---

So I guess as I began this year, I had so many questions...and now that it's over...why are there still so many more?

I prefer the truth. Maybe you did tell me. Maybe I shouldn't have asked. It would have been ok. I promised myself.

Would you describe Odysseus...god-like Odysseus, as beautiful?

Brrrrrrrrrrp, maybe.

Pretty, no.

=P

Started good. Sleepy, though. Didn't super want to go to practice, but can't complain. Practice: Hasti cox --> funny. CT workout --> tiring for like 5 minutes...and then ready to go! Erg for the first time in forever today. Only 5 mins...very fun, though. Wanted to make sure I could still pull that good split =) Affirmative! Have to drop weight to be more effective as coxswain...very stressful. Not super interested in anything. Might be fun to sit alone in a dark corner for a couple hours...sometimes it helps? Miss mommy and puppy a lot. Fishies not quite as fulfilling as I'd hoped. Should have just gotten a big fat one. =P Emailed mommy an email the length of a bible summing up everything. Odysseus...Circe...should be paying attention...sleepy...depressed. Ok, gotta psyche myself back up...WOAH!!! SEXUAL RELATIONS!!! Niiice, gotta go. Lecture just got interesting =P.

Bleh.

That's it.

It was amazing. =D =D =D =D =D

It's kind of weird, watching someone drive away from you. You hope to see them again. You know that they're thinking about you, but at the same time, it's so empty. I was walking up and down the aisles of Vons, cereal for one, orange juice for one. Does the dog count? He's laying on my lap licking the salt off my keyboard left from my sweaty palms during finals week. I walk in the door to my beautiful new house. The fire's off. Most of the lights are out. No one's there.

But do you dare hope? Cause in those eyes that haven't cried for four or five months, those crystal clear brown eyes, there's a dream. Sometimes you have to take risks. But what if you get so caught up in those risks that one day, on your back, you realize that you'll never really be the same person again. You realize that it'll all be worth it just to be with them and you never want to let them out of your arms.

With so many feelings running through your mind and your heart, what do you listen to? Are you ready? What do you believe? What can you believe?

Is there a reason why you can't?

I guess on a happy note they had the good OJ with Calcium + Vitamin D, so at least I'll be healthy while I'm lonely.

Why was today so hard?

"Hurt gives way to bitterness, bitterness to anger. Travel too far that road and the way is lost."

What a long, long time ago. Were we all really so different then? There were two I was reading from 2003. That's funny...look at the dates. Both journals were started within 12 days of each other. Even then...

Hee hee, using quotes all the time to say what we feel but not really wanting to admit it, or lacking a better way of saying it. Good times.

We don't sound like the same people anymore...and yet, we really are, aren't we? Those old insecurities never really left us, but are only dampened by the necessity for "maturity" and "growth". But you could call that dampening "change" because of some stimulus that made you realize that none of those insecurities are worth mentioning anymore.

Sometimes I really only see things from my perspective and am so caught up in assuming and being emotional, that I never stop to think about what's right in front of me. The future's right in front of me; our future. And I could kill it dead and always look back...but would I ever be happy again? Probably. But not like this. This is unique.

You're right, it will take time. I'll probably lose my patience again and have to post again something similar to this. But maybe, just maybe we'll get lucky, and it'll be all worth it. Every time I look in your eyes, it's worth it. Every time you smile, I know it will be ok.

I want cake for breakfast =P

Amazing. What a day.

Like you always told me, some days are harder than others. But we get through it: because you are so patient and you know me so well. Just laying here, asking questions and chatting, looking at the fire; what else is there? It's perfect. Because of you.

Thank you.

P.S. ForAlways

Rose parade, rose bowl, fabulous pregame/ halftime, dinner and a movie. All of it I got to share with you. I'm glad you were proud of me.

A perfect week.

So comfortable.

Speechless. I don't know what else to say.

If it floods, come to my house. If it floods at my house, build an ark.

Looking at our mini tree.

3 times! So fabulous later, you know it.

Part of the family.

Red lobsters are the best lobsters.

The things that we do are so amazing and unique...nothing should be able to get in the way of that happiness and excitement.

Nothing will come between us.

Fight on, Trojan.